brain fog.

sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while. the reason being not what you would think. I have not been overwhelmingly busy or swamped with homework. but I have been deep in thought, you may be thinking ‘about what?’, well, to answer your question many things have been on my mind recently. the first being the need/desire for friendships of various kinds. as I have mentioned in my later posts, my very best friend, Anya, moved far away from me over the summer. without someone constantly by my side, I occasionally feel lost or stuck because I have no one to vent to or throw random ideas and thoughts at. but you could also think of the change as beneficial in the sense that I am forced to be my own person and decision-maker, with no “security blanket” per say. many times I feel myself yearning for her companionship though, because she’s someone I can count on at anytime. not only have I been thinking about our friendship, but about the true definition of a friend. I like to see the good in most people, therefore, i define a friend as someone I can always count on, someone who is kind to me, and who I care about. some may say there is no definition, because it’s the feeling you get when you’re around a person, some intuition that tells you they’re a friend. and some people, no matter how many times they screw up, it’s hard to look at them than anything less than a friend, and easier to see the good in them and pray they never make another mistake again (which, inevitably the do).
secondly, I’ve been thinking a lot about managing my time. there are so many things I want to do and buy, and time is money, right? while I see so many material things I want to purchase with money that is hard-earned, I also plan on visiting Anya in Panama sooner than later which would trump every trinket, clothing item or novelty snack I could buy with cash. on the other hand, God says that he will provide, so I know I shouldn’t worry about having enough money to do and buy all the things I want, but I struggle with putting all of my faith into The Lord at times (which is one aspect of my character I have to work heavily on).
and lastly, since I’ve been doing all this thinking, I’ve also been doing a lot of writing. writing is the one thing that is sure to always clear my head, it’s almost as great as having an actual person in front of me to vent to, but in a much more beautiful way where words are spilled onto paper and you can see the things swarming your brain. It’s a wonderful escape, and a talent I’ve started tapping into again lately.
there are my excuses for the brain fog, you might like them, you might think I’m crazy for actually putting that much thought into my life, but whatever it may be, it’s just me. another reason for my mental busyness is that I’m starting an Etsy shop, trying to upload my items and figure out the billing information. it’s very exciting and you will be the first to know about it once it’s open! and the very, very last reason for my absence is that I haven’t been putting much effort into my clothing choices lately, making it hard to blog about an outfit that I’m not inspired by. anyways, thank you for listening to my rant, I hope you found at least 2 things interesting. if not, I’m so sorry for wasting your time. Love all. Love Madeline.

p.s. here’s what the sanctuary of my thoughts, aka the home of all my rabbit trails, looks like 💓

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