I was thinking back to my young (and naive) middle school self. A girl who was courageous and who was unafraid to launch herself into any new relationship, opportunity, project or period of life. Of course I was burned a number of times because of this, but I also gained and learned so much about myself, others and the world during those years.
I was fearless. I flirted with boys, I wore crazy unique outfits (that didn’t always make the impression I was going for), I shared my heart with anyone who would listen, I laughed, but I also cried about everything. I was full of emotion and you could almost always count on me speaking my mind without holding back even a little.
I think growing up means losing many of the qualities I just explained, it’s just the way life goes. And boy am I thankful that I don’t cry about every little thing, or exploit myself to the world or wear wacky clothes anymore, but I do miss my unshakeable confidence.
I was never intimidated by boys, I was outgoing and talkative around everyone; whether I knew them or not, I never experienced anxiety around large groups of people, and I never deemed myself unworthy just because society said so. And to be honest, the reason I acted so bold and sure of myself, was because I thought I was the shit. Little Maddie had a big ego and I’ll admit it, but hey, at least it taught me confidence. lol.
Now I’m at the age in which, as a child, I thought was “so old” and far off. And when I take a step back and look at who I am today compared to then, I feel as if society has somehow managed to change me. I am not always confident in myself; in my judgement, my relationships, my accomplishments, my decisions. I am unconfident. I let the world tell me what’s acceptable and what isn’t. I let the world tell me who I should like, how I should feel and worst of all; at times I let the world, or certain individuals, determine my worth.
And that is not okay.
To be confident in yourself.
Don’t let the world, or society, tell you what you have to be 0r how you have to act. Be you in everything you pursue.
While I was talking with my best friend tonight, I came to a realization that my happiness should not be dependent on any relationship. I don’t want to feel weighed-down, or distressed, because I feel unworthy.
We are children of a gracious God who always calls us worthy. Worthy of giving and receiving love. And I think it’s time we started treating ourselves that way.
What do you think?
Top: thrifted, Jeans: Rag & Bone, Jacket: Vintage Levi’s, Socks: local store, Boots: Havanna Joe (thrifted), Necklace: Forever 21, Glasses: Urban Outfitters
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