Lost + found

“Why did I travel solo to Hawaii?”

Well, if I’m being entirely honest I found a round trip ticket for $300 and because all of my friends and family are living their own lives (school, work, etc.) I decided, what the heck, I’m not going to let fear hold me back.

And maybe it didn’t turn out to be all rainbows and unicorns. Not every moment was necessarily capital F U N, but I learned that it’s okay. It’s okay to be lonely at times, to miss the presence of the ones we love and wish could be there with us. Sometimes God takes us on adventures to grow us and speak truth into our hearts that we are so desperately seeking.

Change makes me sad, whether it’s teeny tiny or life-altering. From as far back as I can remember, I have feared change. So because I’m choosing to display my true self with you, I’ll admit I cried (a lot) the first night I arrived on Oahu and found myself all alone tucked away in a desolately quiet basement on the mountainside that hadn’t seen company since summertime. All of my built up excitement from car ride to plane ride of imagining the glorious tropical memories I’d make- as a wanderlust independent adventurer, like someone who backpacks Europe by themself just for the experience- it felt snatched from me in a shear moment of loneliness.

But this really isn’t a sad story, I promise. Way more good came out of my solo trip than sadness. I believe God knows exactly what our souls need, even when we think we need something entirely different. And he filled my soul to the brim over these past five days. He said “my love, I am here with you holding your hand, always. Though you may feel alone, I will never leave you.”

He ignited my once lost passion for creating what my heart desires- capturing beauty and letting words spill onto paper (or rather a keyboard, which sounds less poetic), seeking adventure instead of staying inside, reading beautiful stories that motivate me to lead a purposeful life and best of all, he reminded me how important it is to just be.

He whispered, “slow down and just be who I created you. Why are you anxious? Why do you feel so uneasy and unloved just because you are alone? Darling, I adore every piece of you, even when you can only see flaws. You don’t need noise and “busyness” and constant calculated plans- all you need is me, so come home child.”

Because I didn’t have anyone to depend on, I felt a strong nudge to make friends wherever I went. I would say I’m definitely more introverted, so for me this was quite uncomfortable, but man did it grow me. I was able to connect with bloggers and influencers through social media more than I ever have. But even more special than that, I met a number of people just because I decided to say hi, look up from my phone and spark real conversation- whether it was at the beach, on an airplane or in a coffee shop.

Moral of the story…. Do something crazy or out of your comfort zone and just see the beauty that God brings out of it. And let’s all practice embracing our real, honest, quirky selves.

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OOTD

Overall dress: topshop (thrifted from Poshmark)

Strapless crop top: brandy melville

Hat: Brixton

Shoes: thrifted vintage

Backpack: thrifted vintage