brain fog.

sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while. the reason being not what you would think. I have not been overwhelmingly busy or swamped with homework. but I have been deep in thought, you may be thinking ‘about what?’, well, to answer your question many things have been on my mind recently. the first being the need/desire for friendships of various kinds. as I have mentioned in my later posts, my very best friend, Anya, moved far away from me over the summer. without someone constantly by my side, I occasionally feel lost or stuck because I have no one to vent to or throw random ideas and thoughts at. but you could also think of the change as beneficial in the sense that I am forced to be my own person and decision-maker, with no “security blanket” per say. many times I feel myself yearning for her companionship though, because she’s someone I can count on at anytime. not only have I been thinking about our friendship, but about the true definition of a friend. I like to see the good in most people, therefore, i define a friend as someone I can always count on, someone who is kind to me, and who I care about. some may say there is no definition, because it’s the feeling you get when you’re around a person, some intuition that tells you they’re a friend. and some people, no matter how many times they screw up, it’s hard to look at them than anything less than a friend, and easier to see the good in them and pray they never make another mistake again (which, inevitably the do).
secondly, I’ve been thinking a lot about managing my time. there are so many things I want to do and buy, and time is money, right? while I see so many material things I want to purchase with money that is hard-earned, I also plan on visiting Anya in Panama sooner than later which would trump every trinket, clothing item or novelty snack I could buy with cash. on the other hand, God says that he will provide, so I know I shouldn’t worry about having enough money to do and buy all the things I want, but I struggle with putting all of my faith into The Lord at times (which is one aspect of my character I have to work heavily on).
and lastly, since I’ve been doing all this thinking, I’ve also been doing a lot of writing. writing is the one thing that is sure to always clear my head, it’s almost as great as having an actual person in front of me to vent to, but in a much more beautiful way where words are spilled onto paper and you can see the things swarming your brain. It’s a wonderful escape, and a talent I’ve started tapping into again lately.
there are my excuses for the brain fog, you might like them, you might think I’m crazy for actually putting that much thought into my life, but whatever it may be, it’s just me. another reason for my mental busyness is that I’m starting an Etsy shop, trying to upload my items and figure out the billing information. it’s very exciting and you will be the first to know about it once it’s open! and the very, very last reason for my absence is that I haven’t been putting much effort into my clothing choices lately, making it hard to blog about an outfit that I’m not inspired by. anyways, thank you for listening to my rant, I hope you found at least 2 things interesting. if not, I’m so sorry for wasting your time. Love all. Love Madeline.

p.s. here’s what the sanctuary of my thoughts, aka the home of all my rabbit trails, looks like 💓

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surprises.

I love surprises. ever since I was very young I have gotten mad at anyone who tries to ruin surprises for me. many children would rather know what the secret is, but I always took joy in the element of surprise.
you must be thinking ‘what do surprises have to do with anything, Maddie’ well to answer your question and tie my rambling together here’s what occurred a few days prior.
on Wednesday I attended school like any normal day. when it was over I got coffee with my cousin and sister. after, when my sister was driving me home, and we approached my house I could see a car that was unfamiliar to me. I thought one of my parents cars might have had to have some work done on it, causing them to drive a rental car home (basically, I didn’t put much thought into it). I removed my bags from the car and made my way to the house. my back door (the primarily used door to our house) opens into the mud room where all of our shoes are stored. I began to take of my shoes when my eyes landed on the shoes off my best friend (who recently moved to panama). you could imagine how fast my brain was trying to process everything.
after my realization I quickly made my way towards the voices I heard in the kitchen. my assumptions had proven correct when I first saw my best friend’s mom and then her.
the time was unforgettable, I was overjoyed with happiness and almost could not believe it was real. I could not help myself from crying.

surprises make life better. especially when many people put time and effort into something for your benefit. I am truly beyond grateful to be reunited with my best friend. God is working in my life.
(here are a few photos from a shoot we did in the beautiful valley and mountainous terrain of a place both me and her call home, Oregon)

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good company.

last night. Halloween night.
during the daytime I scrambled around trying to find plans for the spooky holiday. when nothing came to mind I resorted to a night spent in my home, watching netflix and eating junk food (every basic girl’s dream).
however, my night was saved when a few good friends of mine invited me and my sister over to their house for a mellow time, homemade food and a bonfire for our entertainment (keep in mind, we live in the Pacific Northwest countryside where large fires are acceptable).
as we sat by the vibrant yellow flames rising well over 5 feet above my head I looked at the different faces of contemplation that surrounded me. each one consumed with their own mind, including myself. and not one of us knowing the others logic, yet all of our thought wondering was rooted from the same picture in front of us; a fire set ablaze.
as the night wore on and the laughter grew, I was overwhelmed with the fact that I am so blessed (once again) to call such wonderful people my friends. seeing the faces of both old and new companions share joy in simple things like sweet candy or corny jokes made my heart happy.
there’s no better feeling than walking away from people who play parts in your life and being able to say the phrase “I love them.” in the most sincere and genuine way.
Love The People You Choose To Surround Yourself With
…and never let blessings go unnoticed.

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a daze in the maize.

today I went to my small town’s annual pumpkin patch. while enjoying the sun beams on my back and the company of good friends, i couldn’t be more grateful for the beauty surrounding me. walking through the corn maze brought back countless memories of past autumn seasons. running until i couldn’t catch my breath, trying to find the way out before anyone else. it brought me back to a time when i marveled at even the smallest adventure. i could find fun in any small task. the way the corn stalks made my skin itch and the “squash” of the mud under my feet. there are so many things to take wonder in, in this world, yet so many fail to do so when the opportunities arise. sometimes we all wish we were small again, with our lives ahead of us, but what is so different now, then things used to be? deep down we are still those little souls trying to find our way in the maze (life, maybe). don’t underestimate the fact that enjoyment comes in all shapes and sizes, to anyone who is willing to receive it with open arms, no matter your age, size, talents or past. take joy in the little things, whether it be taking a walk in your neighborhood, going through a corn maze in fall or spending time with people who make you smile. be grateful for everything. don’t keep your head down, or you’ll miss the natural beauty hiding in the corn & sky.

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